I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
