I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
