u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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