So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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