I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
