I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
