Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
