SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
