I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
