fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
