my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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