I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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