I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
