i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
