Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
