Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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