Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
