Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
