Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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