he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
