she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
