Ambien. No doubt about it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
