if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am spending my child support on dildos
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
