And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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