: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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