apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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