1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I checked into jail on foursquare
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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