Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
