he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
