I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
