Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
