yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
