Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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