I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
