just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's shark week go big or go home
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
