just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
