Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
