Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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