Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
