I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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