So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
