i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
