Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
