But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize