He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
