when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
