i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
