Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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