I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize