You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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