is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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