I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
