He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
