you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
