A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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