I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize