I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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