im gay
i know
yea but for you.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
