People in love make me want to vomit
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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