if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
