I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
