I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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