How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize