Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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