I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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