Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
