My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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