Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
