its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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