dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
