I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Even my vagina gasped.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
